An Objective Critique
I cannot read him objectively —
his words seep into my pores;
the spaces between, stillness
I dare not interrupt by breathing.
My soul lines the palms of his hands,
his every essence inexplicably interlocking
with mine like a water-warped jigsaw —
improbable but undeniable,
we are. And I cannot
read him objectively. His every word
feels like my own
absence of thought; a certain train
derailed by chance
and circumstance. So
I cannot read him objectively,
because I cannot die —
nor will I have lived —
until I’ve tasted his smile.
© 2014 by Jennifer R.R. Mueller
Breaking Down the Wall with the wonderfully talented Shamanfox
breakingdownthetwcwall: Mike’s Note: Bonus reblog, because…<3
Wolfie: Hello Nicole, and thank you for taking the time to do an interview with me.
Nicole: The honor is mine Wolfie, Thank-You.
Wolfie: I am very glad to get the chance to sit with you. Not many people know that we have actually become good friends in the last year so I get to really ask the questions people want to know.
Nicole: There could be legends of Foxes and Wolves running together across the galaxy or maybe their alter-ego spend countless hours imagining themselves tangled between the sheets. I have no secrets, to hide…Mr. Wolf.
Wolfie: stop it; you know I have a weakness for your Carmel colored eyes so behave.
Nicole: Imagine what my lips can do…
Wolfie: oh…. Now there is a thought to ponder….. Why don’t you scoot on over here and sit on Wolfie’s lap for the rest of the interview?
Nicole: *scoots over* oh oh my… Wolfie is that a flashlight in your pocket or are you happy to interview me…hmmm maybe, I will just sit over here…admire the view.
Wolfie: fair enough, now before I get overly excited I should probably start asking questions. Nicole, you know we started this project to break down a wall that many people believe exists between new Tumblr writers and veterans. You have been here a little while more than most and some actually find you to be intimidating. How far off do you feel that the image of being intimidating even comes close to the reflection you see?
Nicole: The Breaking Down The Wall project is the most genius idea I have seen in a social network. I love getting to know who people are, why they write, hearing their stories and to see the face behind the creations. Tumblr has opened the doors, for me to experience interaction with diversity in all forms of creative writing, as well as new (to me) styles. I enjoy the mental roller coaster of reading, hearing and feeling so much amazing talent.
As far as intimidating, I do not see myself that way, at all. I am very liberated writer, free spirited and loving. I write to build bridges, not to intimidate others.
Wolfie: speaking of reflection, I took your book. ( Awake) with me to Mexico and enjoyed reading many of your poems that were not only spiritually moving but seemed to come from a place with sorted perspective. Can you tell us a little about this esoteric poetry and basically your balance in general?
Nicole: When writing esoteric poetry, I am in an altered state of consciousness. It will hit me, at any given time. Often during inconvenient times - in which there are hundreds of poems unwritten- due to screaming kids, or whatever. It often starts with a deep stirring of an emotion, followed by a series of flashing images, and words. It can be from various time periods in history, or imagined. The most interesting, to me is when I will hear a word- that I don’t use in conversation, and may not even be completely sure on the definition, I will write the poem (fast) then look up the word later finding that it fit- perfectly.
When I was younger I would write prophet poems to myself. I would not read them, often times physically tired from tensing my muscles while writing. I would tuck it away into a book…several years later, find it…and it would reveal my situation at that very moment.
I didn’t understand most of what I wrote until 2011, when I went through a spiritual transformation that changed my perspective about everything, I thought I believed in.
My balance is maintained through creating. I am also an artist, painting or drawing just about anything on everything. I also train in Martial Arts, and do my own style of Yoga. I am constantly moving- (outdoorsy chick) and when I am still- in meditation it is instant out of body experience. I have learned the hard way, that if I am not creating, or exploring I can get very depressed or bitchy.
Wolfie: It must be a great feeling knowing that you are so in touch with yourself and past self on so many levels. I can certainly understand the dedications it must take for such disciplines…. and I’m sure when your readers see pictures of you wielding a samurai sword it isn’t intimidating at all…. well we certainly don’t want bitchy and life with children can be extremely complicated when snow traps everybody indoors…
How were things here on Tumblr for you when you first started off here as a writer ? and how have they changed for you?
Nicole: Ode to a poetic life.
I first started Tumblr in 2009, as an escape mechanism. I was in a controlling parasitic relationship, and used Tumblr as a way to vent my frustrations. Immediately I started making connections.
There are others who I lost track with, and a few who have passed away.
I would delete my blog every 6 months or so, because My ex would either be making very embarrassing remarks on my posts, or he would look up every person who followed me, make me block them - demand my password, message my followers who were male. I would try to blog under a few secret names- I can’t remember what they were- but I do remember him finding them, and all hell would break loose.
I finally left him in 2011. (For several reasons) I started this blog again in March 2012- however, I was still cautious as he was making print-outs of anything he felt was inappropriate and threatened to use it against me for child custody.
That- is all behind me now. As of this month.
(It took over two years to finalize)
Since I started blogging again in 2012 I became more involved with the writing community…and made a ton of new friends. Tumblr is somewhat interactive so it holds my interest. I enjoy getting to know bloggers on a personal level. I want to know their first name, their interest, their dreams, etc. I have found that the TWC interactions has helped me to improve my writing (knowing there are Grammar Nazi’s just waiting…for me) I used to never catch a typo- and now, I will kick my ass when I find one. I also tend get fussy when my poem is sluggish, as though it’s not flowing right. I will delete or edit, all the time. I still write (mostly) for myself (with the occasional flight of *sigh* crush or whatever) however I am always consciously aware of potential readers.
Wolfie: it seems you have grown quite a bit since you began to Tumblr both as a writer and a person. Congrats on the finalization of your paperwork.
This is the point in the interview where I slide you into a corner and delicately ask you to name drop.
Who are some of the Tumblr writers that you try to read every day?
Everyone that makes a list like this always forgets someone and that is okay but off the tip of your tongue give me at a few.
Nicole: Dominic archonofdarkness and Tony Lebuc are my poetry brothers, Dan Hedges humananimalspoetry, the best quantum metaphysical poet, dirty-soapbox, nobodynotes, paradigmpoet & smist999 are light worker, warrior poets. the-conquistador is my adopted poetry son, I love Kevin cherokeeghostrider, labelledamesabsdice, battlingsunlight, mickeymichal (crush on them) Lzlabs, aquietjoy, wordrummager, kittygory, maza-dohta, stacia-elizabeth, milkshakesandheartaches, trixclibrarian, mercurialmurmur, franticallylost,Bettie, desayunogratis, jayarrarr, raisethecurve,mikefrawley, digitalspell, thesealivesinme, chriswwriter, takingstockofwhatmattersmost, wistfulmuse, conversinginmetaphors, the-raven-song, vegabondkingpoetry, tapiwamugabe, sean-ogorman-sleepcellar, donnydo, esn13, contrarycate, purplemonkeysexgod69, whenalionroars, nathensurman, mikeyj529, mj-orchard, chucklingpecan, anneisrestless, thedailydoodles, cephalopoet, theresidentmama, thissometimepoet,loqui,lulu-llama
Arghhh… This could go on all night. I follow almost 800 blogs!!!
Wolfie: I have no problem at all spending the night with you Nicole but I do know how difficult it is to come up with a list and that is one awesome list.
Let’s stray off topic a little bit and would you be so kind as to tell me what are your favorite foods? And of course the drink that would go with them.
Nicole: Sushi. Salmon Roe makes me feel like I drank a glass of Merlot. Maybe it’s all that Omega?
I have been vegetarian since I was twelve years old. My (then) step-Dad shot a Deer- which did not die and I stared into his (the Buck’s) eyes as he was struggling and made a soul connection. Fish, have no soul…hahaa just kidding… I gave up eating fish recently- the Fucktheocean spill (Fuckushima) and I feel hypocritical to not eat meat, but will eat fish. I am going to try… I actually like fly fishing too.
I think Saki goes best with Sushi.
Otherwise, a kick-ass meat and dairy free salad- with Merlot. I love fresh ground coffee, and Chai Tea.
I thought of 3-4 more bloggers after you asked me…argh…I don’t like that question…
People are sharing pieces of their soul, and I am sensitive towards people’s feelings. Sorry, to those whose name didn’t come to my mind, right off. :(
Wolfie: Salmon does give quite the energy burst and yup it is super loaded with omega -3.
I added the names you requested to your list , filtering them in so no one will know who it was and yup…. I almost feel bad for asking that question but not really, it’s awesome watching you think.
Let’s talk about the feature system for a minute. How much better do you feel it is now compared to when you first started writing here?
Nicole: I NEVER received a feature, until Tumblr changed the system. I think it is wonderful how they rotate Editors, for there are so many original creative people on Tumblr, who would otherwise, fall short in being recognized. When an Artist, Photographer, Writer etc. is noticed for their creations- it encourages them, and it also opens the viewer’s mind to new media, as well as showing how so many of us, have similarities. We have all taken different paths in our life, it is through our creations we show how we are all connected. We are humans “being”.
I am grateful, and in awe of the Editors for taking their time to read so many pieces, without getting paid…without getting paid… (Echo)
Wolfie: yes, being a tag editor is indeed a selfless task yet I know so many that gladly do it.
Before we wrap things up here I am going to ask that you reach into your Shaman super sources and give the newer Tumblrin writers a few words of advice. Can you offer up some tips on how to get acclimated to Tumblr and the writing community in general?
Nicole: Let Go. Be fearless, be original. Express the deepest parts of your soul. If writing a poem, makes your body feel like it just had a physical mental orgasm…when you can read your words and feel yourself smile…because you expressed yourself…you are doing it.
Write about anything and everything- when you write it, tell the story from the inside out, let the readers feel your emotion by having that burning emotion while you write. Writing should feel like passion… Let your passion flow.
In order to get to know the TWC, you really have to interact. Read their words, feel their essence- get to know them. Leave comments, make them family. (That is what I do anyway)
Wolfie: thank you Nicole that was indeed very sound advice
Well baby… it was certainly a pleasure sitting with you and all of us at breakingdownthetwcwall thank you for your participation.
Nicole: Thank You, Wolfie. The honor is mine. To all the TWC as well as those who follow my blog, Thank-you, for being supportive, through the years I have connected with the most amazing people. Tumblr is my portal to a virtual coffee shop. Where Lions drink Tea, Monkeys swing from chandeliers (while reciting poetry) a gorgeous cherokee man leaves me twitterpated, and my sisters and I all watch the Wolf…oh that sexy Wolf.
Namaste, my Dear Friend.
Wolfie: A big thanks to all the readers , and participants of breakingdownthetumblrwall.
Be sure to follow shamanfox
…the fuck do you know about love?
thousands of internet poets can’t be wrong,
right? they all write out emotions and forget
to actually live what’s penned. pin them down:
ask a random fifteen-year-old what she knows
of affection; watch as snowflakes shift en masse,
locking a school door only open if convenient.
ask fifty-two-year-old truckers where hearts rest;
you will taste the warm, black tears of old royals
found too burdensome to ride shotgun. and i —
i sit idly, only thirty-seven seconds away
from celebrating valentine’s day with a ghost,
wishing my breath could hitch a ride with
snowflakes, drift from langley to graceland.
every searing heartbeat screams her name.
…the fuck do you know about love?
Somewhere in the forest
The wall at the Texaco station is white brick
So now I am your little lamb
Show me the two of us, nude, swimming
Wind winding through the trees
Here is the place where we put
our 3-D glasses on & echo
NB: Based on first lines on pp. 40-47 in Heather S.J. Steglia, Water Runs to What Is Wet (Burning Deck, 1980).
a room full of plastic chairs,
and questions, curious
how did we end up here?
the birth of change
imprisoned in baggy denim,
standard issue starts
with pen and paper,
a self-portrait in numbers,
an undefined reflection
this is an experiential exercise,
living and waiting
to finish your sentence
The men yawned and stretched, scratching their heads before picking up armfuls of lights. With only their shoulders lit in the darkness, they slouched toward the branches of the tree and began to climb, the lights slipping down their backs like golden cloaks. “They’re hanging the Christmas lights,” I said as my father stared at the road in front. “Did you know about this?”
In the gym, my teammates scoffed at my surprise. “Of course,” Sally Dawson said before sinking a free throw. “Our gardener does our lights every year.” Daniel Jones couldn’t remember if it was his “pool man” or his gardener that did the lights. Shelly Thomas’s family “didn’t do lights,” but she still knew about the crews. I reported my discovery to my mother at dinner, expecting her to join in my indignation. Instead she exchanged a look with my father who further mashed his potatoes.